John put up his hand and smiled. “I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me, if you will. This born-again Christian adviser to the President convinced him that the only way the United States could get the upper hand on the Russkies and Chicoms before the Apocalypse comes is to get a hold of, or create the ultimate secret weapon.”
“Now, what would that be, John? I blurted out, sarcastically.
“Well, according to this born-again adviser, it is to stage and bring about the second coming of Jesus Christ,” John said, staring at me with his best no-nonsense look.”
“You got to be kidding me, right?” I asked, beginning to question the sanity of my fellow CIA colleague.
“Wrong, John. I’m not kidding you at all. And if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense from a born-again believer’s point of view. Remember, the Book of Revelations lays it all out there: ‘He [Jesus] went forth conquering, and to conquer,’ Revelation, 6. 2. So, the born-again adviser reasoned that if the United States can be the first one to bring about the second coming of Christ, then it’s a given, we will be on the winning side.”
“One little problem I see with this advisor’s scenario,” I shot back at John, feeling like I had just entered an insane asylum. “How are they going to bring back Jesus Christ?”
“Bob, it’s already been done,” John said, as I almost panicked, considering the chances of getting out of the compound alive, if I suddenly bolted.
“Look, once the President signed off on the “Apocalypse Project,” our people in the Vatican got access to the shroud and were able to get enough dried blood micro-particles to map Jesus’ DNA. The rest was easy. Our best and brightest scientists simply cloned the DNA to create an adult Jesus Christ as he was hours before his crucifixion. That’s the man you are going to guard tonight “And Bob, there are certain rules, or protocol we all must follow when dealing with him. Remember his living quarters and this whole area is monitored by the best manned surveillance cameras 24/7.
First: do not initiate any conversation. He can speak to you, but you must only nod or tend to his requests. Under no circumstances should you engage in any conversation with him. Two: never look him directly in the eyes; it’s too dangerous. He can control you completely in less than a second. Understand?”
“Yeah, I get it, but can I ask you a couple of questions,” I replied in an irritated voice.
“If you must,” John said, eyeballing me suspiciously, and now talking to me like a disappointed father would talk to his wayward son.
“When he was brought back – or when the cloning process was finished – did he say anything to those who brought him back?”
Need to Know
“Look, Bob, you really don’t want to go there. It’s not in your long-term best interest to know about these things,” John said condescendingly.
This really pissed me off, and I let John know it. “Hey, John, you weren’t so high and mighty when I saved your ass in that Turkish whorehouse in ‘88– now were you, Goddamn it!”
John’s face got blood red — then relaxed for a moment. Next, he told me all he ever would about the Second Coming.
“Look Bob, it’s natural to be curious about him, but it’s not healthy. OK. So, what did he say when he returned to Earth through our cloning process? Not much. At first, he didn’t even know who he was or what he was. We had the best translators on board, versed in Aramaic, Latin and even Greek – just in case he had some words of wisdom, or predictions. Well, he didn’t. At first, he spoke to us in Latin – must have thought we were Pontius Pilate’s men or something. He wanted some water; he said he was thirsty.
We also had our most trusted agents who were also clergy there, ready to answer any of his questions through our interpreters. Well, that didn’t work out too well, because when he found out what people had written about him in the New Testament and how they had built all of these churches and institutions in his name, he really got super pissed and started eyeballing these guys, which made them pass out on the spot.
The gist of what transpired next is a little hazy, even though I was one of those present. Jesus began to walk toward the door as though he wanted to leave. At this point, we were forced to take desperate measures and had to threaten to kill all of the clergy on the spot in order to get him to stay put!”
A Major Comeback
“So what am I supposed to do, if he wants to talk,” I asked John.
“Don’t worry, he won’t engage you. He knows the rules; he’s read the Book of Revelations, and even though he doesn’t agree with much of it, he’s like every other prematurely retired politician or leader: he wants to make a major comeback and a grand entrance — and that’s what we aim to give him when the time is right!”
“By the way,” I said, looking John straight in the eyes. “Whatever happened to the born-again presidential adviser that started this whole ball rolling? Where does he fit in all of this?” I asked.
“Well, Bob, it’s funny you should ask, he never recovered from Jesus’ unexpected rebuke the night he was brought back. Christ told the translators in Aramaic, after this born-again bird started quoting scripture to him, that he wanted this Pharisee removed from the room pronto. This caused a big stink with the White House. The presidential adviser stormed out of the room never to be seen again!” John said, shrugging his shoulders.
Also read: Horrific Alien Abduction Account
© 2018 Chet Dembeck
Categories: Flash Fiction